Dear Senator McDougal,
I know how much you and your Republican colleagues in Georgia (or Virginia – I’m confused, Senator, your notes say GA, but your wall says Virginia – hey, but that’s all right; I’m sure you still know best about us gals’ babycaves!) are worried about the welfare of women everywhere, and I first wanted to thank you and let you know that this little woman feels grateful for your care and concern. I also wanted to reassure you that, because I hit menopause about 9 years ago, I won’t be needing any of that pesky birth control – isn’t that great?! So you and your friends don’t have to worry about me on that score.
Of course, menopause ain’t all that and a bag of chips, because it kinda dries up the ladybits, yanno? Whenever I want to have slutty recreational sex with some hunky guy, that vaginal dryness can be very uncomfortable – sorta like rug burn on the inside (ouch!). Sorry if that’s TMI and all, but since you’re an expert on womens’ reproductive systems I was wondering if perhaps you could recommend something for me? I’d like something really slippery, oh, and if it could be strawberry flavored/scented that would be perfect!
You’re the best! Thanks in advance!