Are You Ready for the Crapture?

I hope you’re ready to be raptured this evening! Or whenever it’s supposed to start. Nobody seems to know – yeah, surprising, right…?

On a serious note, I heard a story on our local CBS affiliate, KCAL 9 news last night about this pitifully, tragically stupid man who had been showing up at veterinarian’s offices trying to buy meds so he could kill his pets.

When asked why, the man said that he was planning to euthanize them today — so they “wouldn’t suffer being left behind.”

Fortunately, the Sonoma County Animal Control folks showed up and took that man’s “babies” away from him before he could kill them. I hope they never give them back – anyone that fucking stupid should not be allowed to own a pet. Period.

I have to say, that story got to me. I have been laughing uproariously and continuously at this whole incredibly moronic rapture business – until I heard this story,  when it finally hit me that there are people out there who, upon the word of this rich, deluded blasphemous moron, Harold Camping, are going to kill their pets, sell their houses, take their children out of school, stop paying their bills – in other words, completely uproot their lives because they believe this evil man.

It made me so angry; angry at that evil, smug, blasphemous, and – let’s get right down to it – insane old man caressing his ratty old Bible with his ratty old fingers, who sits in his fancy radio studio, in his fancy mansion, on his gigantic pile of $72 million dollars in cash and assets, all dressed up in his expensive suit telling his deluded followers that Jesus is coming today at 6pm sharp.

At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to wrap my hands around that bastard’s wrinkly old neck and squeeze really hard to cut off the flow of delusion and sick religious vomit coming from his mouth.

Yes, Harold Camping and his sick spewings made me furiously angry, yet it also made me terribly sad.

It made me terribly sad that there are people in this world who are so … I don’t know, what are they? Eager to be duped? Anxious to believe? Foolish? Lonely? All of the above, I guess. They have so little in their lives here on this still-beautiful planet that they spend their days wanting more. They want to sit in Heaven in rich mansions, eating glorious food, glowing with health…and most of all, they want to be loved.

Well, I wish them luck. I’d rather refer them for mental health care.

But in the meantime, I’m going to focus on my life here on Earth – to make it the best it can be. To get out in the sunshine. To love my cats, who give me such boundless love and ask for nothing in return. I’m going to use my new pots and pans and learn to cook some glorious food. Maybe get back to the gym and lose the extra 35 pounds I carry around with me all the time.

And, most importantly, I’m going to tell those wonderful people in my life that I love them. I suggest you do the same.

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Annie, don’t worry about the extra pounds. You look great. I know these things. Hee Hee Cletis the Less than Svelte

    Reply

  2. Posted by infpwriter on May 25, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Thanks for writing down and sharing your thoughts. Reading this was cathartic for me – as if the angry muted voice in my head, disturbed by what’s going on lately with all this delusional religious nonsense, found a friend.

    Reply

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